The only update I have is this: THE SECOND MONTH IS HARDER THAN THE FIRST. More on grief, life, hope, love, family, faith, etc as soon as I'm able to muster up a blog post!
Here's the obituary link:
Please pray for our health here. Avi had to go to the doctor yesterday AM for fever and tissue swelling around her rt eye. It was like a golfball was in there. She's on antibiotics for cellulitis but it's not looking significantly better today and her fever was up. SO...PRAYERS definitely appreciated on that front as well.
That is all I can muster for an update for now.
THANK YOU ALL for the love, prayers, & support you've provided for us during this tragic time in our lives. It really has made a huge difference. We are very very thankful and words are not adequate to express how much! I hope to be able to send thank you cards to each one who has supported us in any way. I'll work on that soon. Gratefulness and expressing it should be a very healing thing for me to be working on in the months to come. I just need to keep focusing on all the blessings in our lives...there are MANY!
'Twas a peaceful night in the HH with Mark. Yesterday I got a call that he was in decline. And he was/is. BUT, his his bladder was not draining into the cath despite several attempts at flushing and installing new ones. He was very uncomfortable yesterday regarding this, obviously, when he was awake he'd say he had to go pee...but of course it wasn't happening. I prayed and I know scores of my friends & family were praying and low and behold, after a whole day with no output it started flowing sometime after 8pm when I'd gone home to get my night gear for sleeping over.
Yesterday was was one of the most difficult days because when the nurse called me and said he was in decline I rushed up here. I was unprepared for his condition of extreme discomfort & apnea that lasted so long that I would hold my own breath until he started breathing again. The RN said it could be very soon or go on a few days before the end...obviously no one can predict our last moments. I decided to have the kids come up and say their goodbyes and offer their loves one last time, just in case. This was the hardest part of all. Our sweet children having to say goodbye to their papa bear!
They were here about an hour then my Mom came and got them. I'm so grateful she's here. I wouldn't trust their spiritual and emotional needs at this time with anyone else. I can't imagine doing this without her here. Thank you Mama!
Please continue to pray for comfort and peace! I pray that this part will not be prolonged & that Jesus will take him home soon. If he isn't to be healed and home with his family I want him healed & home in heaven!
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Doctor JUST left after his morning visit. Said Mark has had some big changes in the last couple days but said there's no predicting any of this. He may continue to quickly decline or he may bounce back and yo yo for a while. No way to know. So I'll stay by his side as much as possible and be here for him so he's not alone.
And that's where we are at today.
It's been an extremely emotional week (...or year). Mark is still in Hospice House, where they are taking really good care of him. There was some concern (& drama) that I'd have to move him after the 5 days but the doctor changed his status and is allowing him stay there until he's stabilized or until he goes to be with Jesus. It was pretty stressful for a couple of days...trying to find placement for a guy that's his age and in the condition he's in. The doctor assured me today that I don't need to worry at this point about moving him elsewhere. It was such a relief to me to hear that from him. The Hospice House is such a lovely place and the staff are incredible. If he can't be at HOME, then this is the best place for him. He definitely needs the care he's receiving there.
They are still working on getting his pain managed. Mark has been having some delusional thoughts and I chalked it up to the drugs but asked the doctor about that this morning and the doctor suggested that some of what he's going through, mentally, is disease progression most likely and not just the medications. He said it's common in metastatic cancer patients. To be honest, some times he says some pretty funny things. And he KNOWS they're bizarre things to say. The other day we went in and he was totally lucid and it was such a GIFT for Azriel and I to spend time with the man we know and love. He was able to appreciate an arduino project gift that Azriel had made for him and that meant so much to Az. It was wonderful.
I'll write more later. Heading up there with Liberty. He likes to see the kids one at a time. Yesterday he didn't want any visits so he could sleep the day away.
Until next time...
So much has been happening that I have not had time to update properly but even if I had...I would have had to do it daily to keep all up to speed and I haven't the spare energy for that.
Mark is now in HOSPICE HOUSE for 5 nights. We signed up for hospice a little over a week ago and with that came a lot of relief that we would have someone to call when/if we needed to. However, Mark seemed to go downhill very quickly and yesterday he hurt his back. He's had a hospital bed and a walker. Yesterday I helped him get his first bath in 5 days...but later on in the morning when he was repositioning in the hospital bed he hurt his back. After that he couldn't move at all...even to get comfortable because the pain was too great. That's saying a lot considering all the pain medications that he is on.
Anyhow, he requested yesterday that he be moved into a full care facility for now and it was a grueling and emotional day for ALL of us. So many things to figure out and so much to do. It's downright overwhelming and there is no option to say that you just don't feel like dealing with this today. I would love for all of us to have a break but this breaks for no one. UGH!
Last night I prayed and asked the Lord for a miracle...that a bed at the hospice house would open up so we'd have time to make decisions without haste. There, apparently, is a large waiting list for respite care from Hospice House but they called me first thing this morning and told me that they had an open bed for Mark if we wanted it.
It was especially hard for the kids when the ambulance came and took him out on a stretcher.
Mark seems very comfortable there. He is getting the support he needs since they have the equipment and staff to meet those needs.
Hard times. Prayerful times. Sleepless times. Crying times. Hoping times. Loving times. ONE STEP at a TIME times.
We are trying to keep GOD at the center of this storm. He is our hope. He is our ANCHOR.
More when I have time.
Anyhow, Mark decided that the nerve conduction in November isn't worth waiting on. He does want to get the CT, so we'll do that and see what they can find in there, if anything. The radiologist did an exam and thought he'd be able to feel a tumor there if there was one and he did say this CT is a shot in the dark...a small chance. But, we'll take it. THEN we'll go on hospice care.